Logbook of an old salt, written on the first day of a fresh two-year voyage aboard the proud AirVPN fleet:
Brethren and sister privateers,
The yearly discount chest has been opened once again, and I have filled my hold with twenty-four more months of wind. While the quartermaster counts the gold, let this weathered mariner raise a weather-beaten voice:
We need a berth in Poland. One single, sturdy server flying the white-and-red banner would save an entire nation of sailors from slow death by a thousand of exceptions.
Behold the enemies that lie in wait in Polish waters:
The heavy galleon Poczta Polska (Polish Post) and her tender Envelo (online postage)The ironclad banks that fire broadsides the moment a foreign IP drops anchorThe judicial fortresses and their batteriesLegal archives, university libraries, and even honest merchant carracks
All of them roar: “No foreign keel shall pass!”
The only way to trade with them is to rip plank after plank from our own hulls – dozens, sometimes hundreds of holes in iptables so the cannonballs of “access denied” fly straight through. (Call it split-tunneling if ye be landlubbers; we call it scuttling the ship to save the cargo.)
I have sailed these waters for years in the AirVPN flotilla, and the oceans grow darker every season. Ports that once welcomed us now slam the gates. The great YouTube leviathan mistakes every one of our frigates for a pirate bot and demands we strike our colours and show papers none of us will ever sign. So we dance the server hornpipe – Netherlands to Switzerland to Sweden to Canada – tacking frantically until one harbour opens its arms for a fleeting moment, only to chase us out again before the song is over.
Need to see them Canadian iron beasts racing the prairie? We glide in under Japanese colours, drop anchor for a fleeting moment of peace… then, the instant the port starts sniffing at our false ensign, we cut the cable and fly before the black-list cannonade roars.
This be not the fault of our admirable Admiral and the crew – ‘tis the spirit of the age trying to chain the very sea itself – but one safe haven on Polish soil would turn a gauntlet of fire into a calm inland lake for all local hands.
May fair winds fill AirVPN sails forever!
May the fleet grow stronger every year!
Hail Poland! Hail AirVPN! Hail all ye beautiful bastards and bitches who still believe the high seas should be free!
Yours in rum and packets,
An old Polish privateer 🇵🇱